And mostly the husbands aren’t out looking for sex, they are looking for ego-jacking

And mostly the husbands aren’t out looking for sex, they are looking for ego-jacking

EG That is brilliant! He had the perfect life at home. Of course he didn’t need anything special because all she was was a piece of ass. Slam Bam thank you mam, going home now! Never thought of this before.

I’ll break it down one step even further. The majority of situations i have read about here and on other blogs, have been good or at minimum mostly good marriages plunged into infidelity. I truly think the OW actually SEES a scenario she wants for herself. A basically good man, good husband, good father, good provider. She goes after it with the best weapons at her disposal…time, attention, adoration, admiration. For whatever vulnerabilities these men have, they looooove the attention. They crave it, become even maybe addicted to it. Well it is……but not love for her, it is love the husband has for HIMSELF. My husband admits this. He never intended for it to become blogue physical, he liked and was flattered by the attention and I can believe that. Our therapists both say it is common for an affair to become physical just because the cheating spouse wants to continue to have the emotional needs met. And most of them are getting met at home. He is basically happy with his ily, his life. The affair is a diversion, an escape. It is not reality, and he doesn’t intend for it to be. Ever. That’s why the beginning of the end is “usually” the OW starting to make demands. And then pop goes the affair bubble. Suddenly she is shaking the pedestal upon which she has placed him. Not so much fun anymore.

She was his cousin, and he was never into that. He didn’t do the deed with her, although she tried. All he could think of was me, no matter how hard he tried to forget about me he couldnt. She was just a escape from reality, all the stresses with raising a family, paying bills etc. She knew what we had with each other, she wanted it for herself. So she tried hard to get it.

Ohh she was also a smoker, and he cant stand the smokers breathe. So imagine my h kissing this ow. I said to him how could you kiss her, how could you stand that smokers breathe. His response, I don’t know.

The OW fools herself into believing that this is “love”

I am pretty sure that these personality types cannot not really handle the sudden aloneness of the breakup and their partners are from all walks of life just so keep them getting their egos fed. It seems they will go with anyone to keep up appearance of moving on. That’s what I would do if my ego were crushed, what I would do for sure as an immature woman, now I more enjoy the break and being able to show ex that breakup was no underhanded sneak stuff but me needing my intellectual space because I’d frankly outgrown the whole “them in my life thing” Even if I kind of cried out for Mr Next, I didn’t need to risk the ex’s ego snapping into violent rage from the suddenness. A nice breather is worth the wait.

Eg, my h never wanted a relationship with this ow, she was completely opposite to what he ever wanted in a person

Since I found out about the EA, I have been trying to come to terms with the fact that both women he chose were so different from me in every aspect and he definitely “affaired down” I couldn’t decide if it was more hurtful and insulting because they weren’t hotter and sexier than me (don’t get me wrong, I’m just a regular middle aged woman who has tried to keep in shape and somewhat attractive). I don’t wear make up which he always liked. One of those sluts caked on the makeup, with lipstick smeared all around her lips. Someone he would never be attracted to. Both were divorced, one once the other twice. We’ve been together since we were in high school. One dressed like a complete mess. And both were “larger” than me in several ways, another turn off for him. So in response to Linda and Doug’s questions, I agree with what everyone else said. My H was looking for an ego boost, attention stroking, whatever. I guess it didn’t matter what they looked like as long as they were telling him what he wanted to hear. That just makes me realize how low his own self esteem was/is and that he would degrade himself by choosing such trash. Didn’t do much for my self esteem knowing he picked them over me. His response to my questions about how he could do what he did, hurt and betray me, pick them over me (which he denies but he did) was that they were just “toys” that he took out to play with and now has put away. Somehow he thinks that’s supposed to make me feel better, but I think it just makes him feel better, less guilty, less responsible for his actions. He continues to insist that he did not have any type of affair including an EA. For me, his EA will always be in my head, my heart. My only hope, wish, is that the pain eventually lessens.

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